What keeps me going on nights like tonight

So my computer, as of late, has been temperamental at best. I've discovered that HP's have a lifespan of about a year before one thing or another starts to crap out on you. For me, my battery has like zero charging power, my computer overheats and thus causes monitor problems as well as freezing and other various issues. So in the interest of backing up my info in an affordable manner, I'm going to put everything on flash drives, just in case. But there's no use in transferring stuff I don't need anymore, so I'm going through and getting rid of all the junk. I told you that to tell you this.

I'm going through all these photos, and of course a lot of them are getting to me tonight, memories I've made int he last year with my wonderful husband, the man I won't be seeing for a while. Strangely, this one is one that has really struck a chord.

This is freakin' adorable is it not? But it was about to get deleted, because as adorable as my little Willow-Pillow is, I have about a million pics of her doing stuff like this. And then when the little verification box popped up and blocked out my puppy's face, all I could see was that chunk of Hubbs' face that made it in the picture. And I saw his eyes. The way he's looking at me in this picture still stops me in my tracks.

I remember one night when we first started dating, we stayed at his sister's house for a game/movie night. His sister fell asleep on the couch, and the boys went out to talk. I headed to the bedroom we'd be staying in and started getting ready for sleep, putting on my PJ's and finding a movie to watch. My new boyfriend came in the room to let me know he'd only be a few more minutes, he and his sister's boy were having a really good talk. So I of course told him that was fine, I'd put in a movie and go ahead and go to sleep. I'm putting the movie in, and I turn around to reach for the remote and see him there still, standing in the doorway, just looking at me. With that very look in his eyes. When I ask if he's okay, he just says "Yeah, I just wanted to look at you for a few more seconds. I'm so lucky."

And on nights like tonight, I try to stick to one of my favorite quotes, and focus on what keeps me and Hubbs together, rather than what separates us. Those moments are what brought us together, they are the moments in which I feel like all is well in the world, and small moments that I swear I will never forget.

I guess I didn't need to share that, but I feel like it's important to notice little things like that. Like that is God's way of going "Hey, don't forget, everything is gonna be okay".

MilSpouse Friday Fill-in

This morning, the first blog I read was a fellow blogger participating in this cute little even to get to know other mil-spouses. It looks like a great idea, so here it goes. If you want to parcicipate, simply fill out the questions and link it back to the original blog at Wife of a Sailor. Happy blogging!

1. Besides the horizontal mambo, what do you miss most when your spouse is deployed?

Well I don't know if I can say I miss this the most, because I miss so many things. But I miss our random little outings to Wal Mart, downtown, or the mall, just to get out of the house and be in public.



2. What do you miss least?

I do not miss Wrestling every night. I don't mind it once a week but I haaaaaaate it every night.



3. You only get three crayons to finish your picture… which three do you choose and why?

I use violet, simply because it's gorgeous, yellow because it is bright and sunshiney, and navy blue because it balances everything out.



4. If you could have your own fragrance, what would it be called?

Hm...I don't know. Probably something like simple housewife, with light floral fragrances that add just a touch of femeninity to hard working woman.



5. If the shoes make the man (or woman), what do your shoes say about you right now?

Well the moment I'm in bed with a cold shoeless, so it means I am laid back? Ha ordinarily my flip-flops say I'm practical and fun, as well as simple.

Starting Over

Hello bloggy world. I have missed you. To put it simply, I just haven't known what to say, or how to say it. But now I am back, I have a lot on my mind and with any luck, you and I can start a new, stronger relationship. So nice to be near you again.

So this is my current big dilemma. School. I have been taking classes online for about a year now, with a break somewhere in there when I was transferring schools. At this point, there are a lot of things causing my problem here. Mostly internal. Firstly, I am more than likely going to fail my education class. I'm going to school for elementary education, it's all I have ever wanted to go to school for. And I love finally taking classes that apply to my major. Problem is, I'm not really interested in the class. I'm not even sure if I'm interested in my major. All my life I wanted to be a teacher but now I'm just not sure of it anymore. And when you don't know if what you're doing even applies to your future, it's hard to stay focused. My heart isn't in it right now. And that raises a whole new set of questions.

The only thing I see clearly right now is being with my amazing husband for the rest of my life, and having a family with him someday. Ideally, I see myself in big dining room, with a huge table, dogs running around the floor, two little kids at the table, construction paper, childproof scissors, paste and glitter strung about the room. I want to take my kids to the park in the fall, all in our cozy little sweaters, and come home and make a stew for my husband when he comes home from a long day on the ship. I want to have bath and story time, tuck my kids in, and curl up in front of the TV with Hubbs. I want that to be my every day, because I just can't think of it getting any better than that.

But what if one day that's not what I want anymore. What if I want to drop my kids off at daycare, head to school, teach math and language arts, watch recess and then come home to my own little angels, cook up a quick dinner, put the kids to bed and go to sleep. What if I HAVE to work, because we just can't hack it being a one income family anymore? What if that happens and minimum wage won't do, and I have no degree to fall back on. Life is full of what if's, isn't it? How do you decide which ones are important?

I don't know what to do right now. So after a lot of thinking and a chat with my amazing friend Emily, I think that I at least need to take a break. Be it a few weeks, a few months, or until my husband comes home, I need to step away from the situation. I need to make decisions without deadlines. I need to make choices for myself and my family, not so much for what is expected or what might need to happen for one reason or another. Has anyone else dealt with the hanging question of whether or not to continue your education? Why did you choose what you did? Do you think you made the right choice?

My parents' visit...way late!

Mom, Dad and I had a great visit! I truly loved having them here and am one of those freaks that wouldn't mind them living within a mile radius of us. They did, however, have to go home eventually. We did so much that I"m not sure I can recap it all, so thank goodness for pictures. I will try to do things as chronologically as possible.

Dad said they needed a picture here to prove they were in San Diego. Little did he know we'd see a lot of things that were unique to the area!

Some really sweet older women offered to take our picture as we walked the bay at Seaport Village. What's crazy is that these women were in San Diego by mistake. They were on a flight to Florida for vacation that got canceled. The airline put them on a flight for the next day, paying for their hotel room in San Diego and offering a day of sight seeing, and extending their Florida trip for two extra days!!

Of course the dogs got in a trip to the beach.

Yeah...Bailey just loves the public eye.

We all had a great time, God knows how long it's been since Momma and Daddy hit the beach.

We spent nearly a whole day at the USS Midway. It was actually really informative and entertaining. Trying to think about people 40 years ago, working in every space we saw, reminded me to think about Hubbers, sleeping in his rack, working around the ship. I also learned a lot about what he does on his ship, which is nearly as large as the Midway.

Of course there had to be pics in all the planes and helos.

We spent the first part of my birthday down at Belmont Park, on the Mission Beach boardwalk with the Harvey family. We had such a good time, and the place was really relaxed. My favorite part was taking my godson Jude on his first carousel ride!

Birthday dinner at my favorite resturaunt, BJ's. The big 2-0 haha!

Besties Frank and Emily of course had to join us!

The big finale to the trip was the Harbor Excursion. We did a two-hour boat ride that took us up to the northern and southern-most points of the San Diego bay. It was really informative and just a lovely time. But something beautiful happened on that Harbor Excursion, also.

I have read a lot of stories about Military Spouses. The prideful moments they feel when some stranger buys them dinner, or randomly comes up and thanks them for their family's sacrifices. Of course I never expect to experience these things, they happen spontaniously and are beautiful moments, but not for all to share. And I am perfectly okay with that. However, I did share a moment similar to that.

My dad is a motorcycle finatic. On the second leg of the tour, he noticed a man in a shirt from a Harley shop in Australia. On my birthday, Hubbers' ship arrived in Australia for a four day port visit. My dad started making conversation, the people asked about what Hubbers does and how proud I must be.

They even took a picture with me.

Then, as the boat stopped and people started to unload, the man put on that sweater tied around his waist, came over, shook my hand, kissed my cheek, and handed me the shirt he is wearing in this picture. He said how lovely it was to meet me, that I should enjoy the next ride I have with my dad, and that he hoped this shirt made me feel closer to my husband. I shook his hand and thanked him over and over, and he just said "No worries, mate". What a wonderful experience! I definitely classify this as one of those once in a lifetime moments of thankfulness, kindness and pride.

If any other milspouses are reading this, do you have a similar story to share?

A good way to return to blogging, hopefully! 1 year in La Mesa!

So if you follow The Longley's in San Diego, you know that July 7th was their apartment-aversarry! Well, we met because we live in the same complex, and we moved in only days after they did. Actually, our first encounter was Emily's husband Frank helping us move furniture from our Uhaul to our apartment. So tomorrow is our apartment-aversarry! When we got married, we had "planned" (I knew it wouldn't work out and was only a matter of time before we changed our minds) to stay with a family that hubbers lived with for some time before we met. Well in a nutshell, personalities start clashing when a married couple lives with a family of four. So in a matter of two days, we applied for our apartment, took out an advance on our BAH and moved from Santee, Ca to La Mesa, Ca. We'd been referred to the complex by then-friends, and we in love with our first apartment. Here's a little list of things we've gone through since then.

• Moving AGAIN from a two bedroom to a one bedroom
• Getting "adult" furniture
• Months and months of week-long underways
• A sprained ankle
• What I still swear MUST have been swine flu
• Some trials and tribulations with friendships
• Adopting both our baby girls :]
• Making some really amazing friends
• Moving AAGGAAIINN to a two bedroom from a one bedroom

And I can't even list everything else. Needless to say we have grown and changed a lot, and getting our own apartment was a big life changing event. At times I wish we'd sucked it up and stayed with the family, but now I know we made the right decision.

And hopefully this blog will stand as a good little taste of getting back into blogging, because lord knows I have plenty of things to say!