Three posts in one day, wowza!

This could be the beginning of a beautiful blogging relationship, people. I'm excited. :]

So Christina, over at Married to a Sailor is having a contest for Military Spouse bloggers. As I am closer to experiencing my first deployment, I have discovered that there is a warmth in MilSpouse blogging that is a little unique and a lot comforting. So I'm going to enter, not to win, because I'm entirely new at this, but because blogging has already become a wonderful outlet for the trials coming my way.

This is what being a military spouse means to me.

• From day one, never even considering not following my man across the country, or even the world, just to be close to him.
• Of course, developing a very strong appreciation for his snoring, hogging the sheets, and controlling the remote.
• I not only married Hubbers; I married an alliance of men and women larger than imagination could dream up.
• My life is full of countdowns, be it to something good or something I'm dreading.
• That-in my traditionalist ways- you can usually find thread, a needle, and a broken cami button or coverall patch on the coffee table waiting to be used.
• I assumed, going into it, that I would never actually spend my anniversarry with my husband, but that's okay, because all that matters is that I have a husband.
• When we start our family, I can count on being a "single" mommy nearly half the time.
• I've had to learn to cope with a different breed of pain, loss, fear, stress, and insanity that I will never completely understand, but must always be prepared to face.
• Sometimes I speak in a language only other military spouses understand.
• That while, in the past, I never gave military commercials combat boots a second glance, now, on a rough day, I can find something to cry about in anything camouflaged, blue and gold, or red white and blue.
• That crying can be a sign of pride.
• That I may spend a series of months in this bed alone, making dinner for one, servicing the truck on my own, doing all the heavy lifting, and paying all the bills, but I will never, ever, truly be without my sailor.
• That I will never be in a situation that nobody understands.
• Mostly, that I am the absolutely a part of community of the luckiest people in the world, blessed with the chance to share their lives with the amazing men and women that we call our husbands and wives.

Dear Deployment, I hate you already.

Just a quick little blog, because times like this are when I need my blog the most.

Deployment is rapidly approaching. I've given it a few fleeting thoughts- who doesn't? And I've roughly counted down the days. I have been well aware of when our "last weekend" would occur, or the "last time I'll go grocery shopping for two" is. The difference between before and now is that suddenly those days are my life-blood. I've heard it from some woment before, that you're fine fine fine, and then one day, just before it happens, it hits you like a ton of bricks. Thank you, ton of bricks, for clobbering me tonight.

Of course I can see myself here, functioning normally. After all, he has been gone Monday-Friday for the last five months, and I've become accustomed to waiting for an email to pop up. I can see myself when my parents come to visit, showing them around San Diego and having a ball, even though he's not going to be here. I can see myself going to dinner with friends, taking care of the dogs, going on day trips to places I've never seen. Going to the gym.

But I guess tonight what keeps hitting me is the things that I can't see myself doing when he leaves. Like wrestling with him on the couch. Waiting for him to fall asleep to switch the TV from wrestling to The Nanny. Making mashed potatos and corn with practically every meal. Or just knowing that he's in bed next to me.

I know it's going to be okay. I know if I stay busy, time will fly. I know that thousands, maybe millions of women deal with this every day. But it comes down to the fact that this sucks, regardless of all that. When you live with a man, when you share every night with him and let him in on every moment that happens in your life, and then suddenly, there's going to be this gap where the person holding your heart is in a place he can't even tell you he is in, it's not gonna be easy.

Hopefully, it's not going to be this hard for that long.

Where we love is our home. Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

Well people, it is getting near that dreaded time. The "D" word, she comes. Deployment. Sadness. I was doing fine with the whole thing, until Hubbers realized it himself on the way home from the store one day this weekend. I was completely okay within myself, until I could hear the little nerve in his voice when he told me he wasn't quite ready yet. As much as I have tried, I have not been able to get the thought out of my mind.

Instead, I have been trying to think of the positive things. So here is a pick-me-up list of things I want to accomplish while Hubbers is away.

• Get in shape; start going to the gym at least three times a week and taking the dogs for walks.
• Get both of our girls fixed
• Training the dogs so that they are as well-behaved as Molly and Ellie (whom may stray at times but still put our pups to shame!)
• Decorate the spare bedroom
• Find a way to hide the cable dragging around our floorboards
• Finish all three of my scrapbooks up to date
• Go home for a few weeks
• Visit a friend a few hours north of us
• Start cooking and baking again
• Find a more space friendly way to arrange the bedroom
• Become an intense student
• Read more books

That's all I've got so far, but I think it's a good start. I need support but I know I can make it, so all I ask is that everyone pray or put in your thoughts for Hubbers to have a safe journey, and for he and is fellow sailors all to return home at the end of the year just as good as new. <3